Today's post is about analytics but I'm going to attempt to tell you about them by way of parable:
Long ago in the land of Skydoodledaflubigatedhyberolickalaberoid there was a pretty rad dude named Carter.
Now, in the land of Skydoodledaflubigatedhyberolickalaberoid, it was custom for young men Carter's age (16) to engage in the age old practice of "Tickling". Tickling is done by sneaking up on an unsuspecting wild boar and tickling it's ear with a feather from an eagle. When a man reached the age of 16 his father presented him with an eagle feather in a grand ceremony in order to start mastering the craft of Tickling.
Tickling was considered a great way to prove dominance over the beasts.
Now up until this time, there had been 3 tragic deaths that resulted because of Tickling.
- Hector died moments after he thought he had successfully Tickled his first unsuspecting boar. Little did he know that, while the boar he Tickled was taken by surprise, hiding behind a large rock was an angry boar seeking revenge from the last time someone Tickled him. He got his revenge, but at the same time he got a bounty on his head. The village would not let him get away with that.
- Hans was a somewhat experienced Tickler and was out on a particularly risky Tickle search one night. He made the mistake of taking a rookie with him (Ferdinand) who relieved himself on a nearby tree where they were staking out the infamous boar (Saberclaw) that killed Hector two years prior. Little did Ferdinand know that boars are especially good at smelling. The boar snuck up behind Hans and butted him off a cliff while he was reprimanding Ferdinand for his mistake. Ferdinand climbed up a tree while the boar stared down the cliff at Hans. Saberclaw stood at the bottom of the tree for hours, waiting. Not until the villagers came looking for the two did Saberclaw run off. He could not take down a group.
- Phillip was the father of Carter. He still enjoyed the sport of Tickling and practiced it often. He was considered to be one of the founding fathers of the sport as he was one of the three men who started it years ago. Phillip was part of the search crew who found a scared and apologetic Ferdinand in the tree not 3 months earlier. Winter had set in and snow covered the ground. Phillip was determined to find the infamous Saberclaw and Tickle his brains out. While climbing Mt. Fufujanito (Foo-Foo-Juh-Nee-Toe), the regular winter resting place for Saberclaw and other wild boars, he was caught in a terrible blizzard. When he finally found Saberclaw, he discovered that his eagle feather was missing. He had come this far and was not going to return not having Tickled the boar that lay sleeping before him. He picked up a rock and bashed the head of Saberclaw. Saberclaw immediate awoke, and as legend has it, the two fought for the better part of 10 hours. Blow for blow the battle was even matched until, in desperation, Phillip leaped to get on the back of Saberclaw. Saberclaw was smart and gouged the heart of Phillip as he leapt. Phillip, however, was not your ordinary Tickler. He grabbed the tusk that pierced his chest, ripped it off Saberclaws face and stabbed him in the only place a tusk could penetrate, his ear. Both Saberclaw and Phillip died that day.
Carter, deeply saddened by his father's passing, had an idea he was sure would help make his father's death not for nothing. He wanted to start something called Village Council. The Council was to be held in a place where everyone in the village could gather and share the stories of those that have been lost to Tickling as well as discuss new ways to Tickle boars learned from the little details of the stories.
Carter kept track of all the different ideas and each idea was carefully examined for flaws or ways to improve. Eventually he became the wisest person in the village. Any new Tickler came to him to decide how they could Tickle a certain boar. Because of Carter, the occurrence of Tickling deaths were were reduced significantly. As a result, children of any age that felt they could Tickle, were allowed to do so after the proper training. Though there were still boars that occasionally outsmarted villagers, the villagers would report their findings to Carter and he would craft new ways to outsmart them.
In the middle of the village stands 4 statues. Carter's is the biggest.
Did you get all that?
Carter is the dude that invented Topsy.com aka (Village Council). Anyone can go there and analyze a trend on Twitter and see how it's doing and how they can adapt their social presence to fit.
Saberclaw (boars) represents trolls that hijack and ruin Twitter trends and analytics.
The villagers represent everyone on Twitter.
The age (16) represents the age that used to be required to get on Twitter (13).
Tickling is using Twitter.